That's All She Wrote.

I'm sitting here in my room in Pretoria for the last time writing today. It feels surreal to be saying that! It's been an emotional week full of relief, sadness, pride, happiness and both a sense of loss and gain. My final day of practicum was yesterday and I cried a lot! I couldn't help myself mid-presentation when speaking to the entire team about my time with the Department. It all just Hit Me. Hard!

Then I had my two supervisors write in my final evaluation. Carmen's comments in particular were so poignant and moving. Here is a snippet:

I believe attitude determines altitude. Life shrinks and expands in relation to one's courage. Brianna's can-do attitude combined with her courage to challenge herself and others shows a very strong internal locus of control. This not only makes her resilient; but also industrious, creative and brave. She will add value to development work and will change the world one step at a time.

I was so touched. She is a brave and amazing woman herself. Here is a picture of us at my going away dinner on Thursday night:

Now I can relax a bit! I am heading to Cape Town tomorrow to spend my remaining days on the coast. I am not sure how much I will blog next week, but I will certainly comment on my holiday once I get back to Canada.

Signing off from Pretoria one last time,
Brianna

Learning

The past few days I have been working on my final evaluation for the University. This was a difficult and emotionally draining task. It was the first time I actually sat down and tried to articulate the growth that has occured within. Not easy. I believe I will continue to learn and grow beyond these four months inside the borders of South Africa and that I will be processing this experience for many years to come. Here is a snapshot of my response to the question below. (I must also give credit to my friend Leilani, who, without realizing it, helped shape a few of my sentances with her insights.)

STUDENT: Please provide a summary of your own perceptions of working in an international/cross-cultural setting and your personal growth experience. What have you learned through this experience?

I have been on a long journey since I started my Masters’ in September 2009. After initially turning down this practicum placement for personal reasons, I look back with gratitude and fondness on the path I have traveled and indeed embracing this opportunity. Despite the obstacles I’ve had to overcome prior to my arrival and during my time in Pretoria, I don’t regret a thing. I didn’t think it was possible for me to be stretched in THIS many new directions, having many independent foreign travel/work experiences already under my belt. The continent of Africa is unique, however, and I now better understand why I instinctively felt so strongly to make it my destination.

Moreover, I have not, until this practicum experience, been exposed to the highs and lows of humanity in such a short span of time, minute-by-minute. From the highs of the FIFA World Cup and the direct exposure to wildlife to the lows of encountering death regularly and seeing such extreme levels of poverty, I have witnessed this and all that lies in between. I have been made aware of the fragility of life itself and the delicate balance between living and dying we all walk with grace. There is a certain amount of surrender and faith that has therefore accompanied my process, building with each day that passes. I feel more certain of my own identity and how I want to live my life.

Working internationally/cross-culturally has been what I expected in many ways – full of baggage to overcome and work with by my difference and ‘foreignness’. I feel I adapted well here based on my preceding experiences and was able to not get ‘stuck’ as quickly as I have in the past. I only really felt suffocated and homesick near to the end of my time here and that shows confidence and stability. I was able to nurture myself in this time and still do the job to the best of my abilities. I believe I was able to honor my values and the community’s values during my time here and work in a collaborative way – each party learning from each other and working from a place of respect. This, I believe, is true international development.

Being in South Africa has been rewarding professionally as well. I feel I was truly able to contribute to the SACPSS (aka research study) and that my small voice was heard. I felt a sense of responsibility to the children of this country almost instantly, and fit into the structure of the department and project with ease. I have come to know policy as an evolving social benchmark, not a distant object. I believe I am a better project manager, researcher, writer, communicator, thinker and social worker as a result of being placed in the DSD and with Carmen specifically. She has taught me a lot in such a short span of time and really allowed me to fly with unchained wings. I will always be grateful to her.

With love,
Brianna

SA is Not for the Faint-Hearted

Brrrrr....it's cold here tonight!

I came back to Pretoria yesterday after spending 6 days in the Eastern Cape province. The views and countryside were breathtaking down there. The sun cooperated too which was a bonus; my very pale, white skin needed some sunshine. I stayed with Nicki, an old friend from London. It was so great to see her.

I feel that as my days are limited, I am absorbing more and taking longer breaths and deeper inhales. I think my body knows soon we are leaving this beautiful country and is responding accordingly. My eyes ares also seeing and noticing more detail than before.

I had a crazy week, however, leading up to the relaxing weekend. Last Wednesday morning (6 am) I left Pretoria for Jo'burg to catch a flight for Kimberley. We landed and immediately had to burn rubber for 250KM to a small village called Britstown for a research interview. Upon arrival, we realized our interviewees had not really arranged a place to meet. We were in RURAL Africa. Nothing for miles. Nada. So, me and my research team of 3 others quickly had to think on the spot. We found a local pub attached to a gas station and sat down at a small round table outside of it, like, in the yard. (The inside of the pub was too noisy with loud men and music. I guess they don't work.) The people in the pub didn't seem too bothered by our presence so we carried on with our questions. Suddenly, a cat appeared. Then, in the background, cows mooing and hens cock-a-doodle-do-ing. Oh my. Only in Africa would you conduct research near a farm, outside, under blowing trees! An hour later, we had to quickly drive back to Kimberley to catch a connecting flight through Jo'burg to Port Elizabeth.  By the time we landed in PE, it was 9 pm.

The next day (Thursday) we had another interview scheduled just outside of PE, in a town called Uitenhage. We drove there and back, getting lost quite a few times. Street signs don't really exist here. Nor do office numbers. The joys!

Friday: another early morning. We were on the highway by 630 am to get to East London by 900 am for yet another interview. We quickly discovered the road was in terrible condition and there were roadworks and accidents everywhere. Oh and cows grazing the pavement. We arrived at East London very late (11 am) to find a boardroom full of very disgruntled staff who were waiting there for 2 hours.  THAT interview  was a bit of a bomb, and I was very frazzled from the drive in. No, this day was far from over.

The district had arranged another site visit and interview in a town 2 hours away called Queenstown.  Meaning, we had to drive two hours in the opposite direction to PE (where we had to eventually end up by the end of the day). Meaning, a 5 hour drive back. Sigh. We were back on the road, frustrated and annoyed, and in Queenstown by 4. This interview, despite being out of the way, was more than worth it. I went from feeling hopeless to hopeful. This little office of social workers were doing wonderful work for children in the district, despite their many challenges and lack of resources. Check.

By 6 pm, it was dark and we had to drive all the way back to PE. What a stressful drive. Carmen did exceptionally well to keep us on the road and away from any farm animals. We were back in PE by 1030 pm. I slept like a baby, that night, thankful to be in one piece.

The end. Here is a map with our destinations marked:

Alas, I came to the conclusion that this country is not for the faint-hearted. You have to be determined. You have to be a finisher. You have to persevere to get things done when time and the odds are stacked against you. And you have to be OK with taking risks.

More soon,

B